Helping Children Manage Peer Pressure and Peer Influence

Helping children manage peer pressure and peer influence is crucial for their social and emotional development. Coping well with peer influence is about getting the balance right between being yourself and fitting in with your group.

Here are some strategies you can use to support your children in navigating these challenges:

  1. Build Self-Esteem and confidence
    Help your child build a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. Confidence can help teenagers resist negative peer influence. That is because confident children can make safe, informed decisions and avoid people and situations that are not right for them.
    • You can build your child’s confidence by encouraging them to try new things that give them a chance of success and to keep trying even when things are hard. Praising your child for trying hard is important for building confidence too.
    • You can also be a role model for confidence and show your child how to act confident as the first step towards feeling confident. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to succumb to negative peer pressure.
  2. Build teenage self-compassion
    • Self-compassion is being kind to yourself and treating yourself with the same warmth, care, and understanding you’d give to someone you care about. When teenagers have self-compassion, it can help them handle any stress and anxiety related to peer influence.
    • A strong relationship with you helps your child feel loved, accepted, and secure. It’s important for children self-compassion.
  3. Build Strong Open Communication Channels
    • You can do this by staying connected to your child. This helps your child feel they can come to you to talk if they are feeling pressured to do something they are uncomfortable with. Let them know they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment. This will help them feel comfortable discussing peer pressure situations and seeking advice.
  4. Suggest ways to say no
    • Your child might need to have some tactful ways to say no if they are feeling influenced to do something they do not want to do. For example, friends might be encouraging your child to try smoking. Rather than simply saying ‘No, thanks’, your child could say something like, ‘No, it makes my asthma worse’, or ‘No, I don’t like the way it makes me smell’.
  5. Give your child a way out
    • If your child feels they are in a risky situation, it might help if they can text or phone you for help. You and your child could agree on a coded message for those times when your child does not want to feel embarrassed in front of friends. For example, they could say that they are checking on a sick grandparent, but you will know that it really means they need your help.
    • If your child does call you, it is important to focus on your child’s positive choice to ask you for help, rather than on the risky situation your child is in. Your child is more likely to ask for help if they know they won’t get into trouble.
  6. Encourage a wide social network
    • If your child has the chance to develop friendships from many sources, including sports, family activities, or church it will mean they have plenty of options and sources of support if a friendship goes wrong.
  7. Teach Assertiveness Skills
    • Role-play various scenarios with your child and teach them how to assertively say no to peer pressure. Encourage them to use “I” statements to express their feelings and beliefs.
  8. Encourage Individuality and Independence
    • Foster your child’s interests and talents and celebrate their uniqueness. When children have a strong sense of identity, they are less likely to conform to peer pressure.
  9. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
    • Establish clear rules and expectations for your child’s behavior. Help them understand the consequences of their actions and the importance of making responsible choices.
  10. Teach Problem-Solving Skills
    • Help your child develop problem-solving skills so that they can navigate peer pressure situations effectively. Encourage them to brainstorm alternative solutions and evaluate the potential outcomes of their decisions.
  11. Monitor Their Social Circle
    • Get to know your child’s friends and their influence on each other. Encourage positive friendships and discourage relationships with peers who engage in risky behavior.
  12. Model Healthy Behavior
    • Be a positive role model for your child by demonstrating healthy decision-making and assertive communication skills in your own interactions.
  13. Provide Support and Reassurance
    • Let your child know that you are there to support them no matter what. Reassure them that it is okay to make mistakes and that they can always come to you for help and guidance.

By implementing these strategies, you can help empower your child to resist negative peer pressure and make confident, independent choices that align with their values and beliefs.

Encouraging your child to invite friends over and giving them some space in your home can be a great way to get to know your child’s friends. This also gives you the opportunity to ensure that negative peer pressure and influence is not affecting your child.

If you are concerned that your child’s friends are a negative influence, it is important to approach the situation carefully. Being overly critical of their friends might cause your child to start seeing them behind your back, or even make them want to spend more time with them if they think you don’t approve. Instead, it is important to have open and honest conversations with your child without being judgmental. By listening to their perspective and gently helping them see the impact their peers may be having without judgment, you can guide them toward healthy relationships. This also means talking with your child about behavior you do not like rather than the people you do not like. For example, you might say, ‘When you’re with your friends, you often get into fights’. This can be better than saying, ‘You need to find new friends.’

Good communication and a positive relationship with your child might also encourage your child to talk to you if they are feeling negative influence from peers.

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